Misfit or Popular Kid?

Have you ever been popular? Did you run with the popular kids in high school or in college? I hung out with the misfits in high school only to find myself as a popular lesbian in college.

My experience as a misfit taught me to live my life on my own terms. So that when I came out as gay I was emotionally prepared to be my own person. And to hell with everyone else and their petty small-mindedness anyway.

So that's how it went with me. When I came of age at 22 and as a popular lesbian, my devil-may-care attitude made me a little dangerous (and a little desirable too.) But mostly, being a popular and out lesbian meant I didn't have a lot of competition. It wasn't like lesbians were rushing sororities in those days. We only had gay and lesbian groups and newspapers. And I was the editor of one of those newspapers. My position gave me some visibility and a vehicle for my thoughts.

Those years of popularity made an impression on my young psyche. I "believed" myself likable, desireable and intelligent. I had no idea how vain I was. I just thought I was confident. Actually, it was like I went through an "ego-building boot camp" that would help me endure the hostilities that I would encounter outside the UCLA campus and the world beyond.

But the one thing I still have from those popular days is a personal sense of specialness. Everyone should be popular for a while just to feel that special. And if we're lucky that special feeling lasts a lifetime.