Inbetweens

I've got a case of the inbetweens. I'm inbetween projects whether it be writing or painting. I'm inbetween finding a piano teacher---I got one and then decided she sounded weird on the phone. Jitters I guess. But I let her go even before we started. Today's prospective piano teacher is a former music teacher and a neighbor--- hope it works out otherwise I've got to start from scratch again. So you see I'm inbetween.

I'm inbetween being a middle-age or older person. Even my therapist was surprised that I wanted to start something new like learn to play the piano. "It's always something new with you!", she says. Guess so, I mean I'm not brain dead, I'm still taking in nourishment and breathing on a regular basis. Yup, I'm still alive. Just because I don't have a paying job or a career anymore doesn't mean I disappear, you know...

Despite my limitations I've always been a passionate person. And being inbetween life purposes is hard to bear at times. But I've taken it upon myself to make it my purpose to enjoy this beautiful month of May. Sounds kinda light, don't cha think? Well actually, this is the first time in my life that I've been in a spiritual place to really enjoy May. Before I wasn't calm or still enough to appreciate how beautiful May is.

So you've got a couple of weeks left to enjoy May. Heck, you've even got a three-day weekend. Catch the beauty while you can because it truly is fleeting...

Saturday Nights Then and Now

Saturday night is the one night where we are usually free from work and still have Sunday to recover from our foolishness on Saturday. When I was young I engaged in a lot of foolishness on Saturday nights. I loved the discos in my youth. Gay discos that were wild, sensual and crowded. I remember the press of sweaty bodies on the dance floor. We didn't really dance; we swayed to the beat like some underwater creature swimming in the ocean depths. Well I had fun. Sure I drank too much and well did too much of everything too. But we were young and it was "Saturday Night!"

Now I'm over 50 and settled down with my partner of 17 years. What do we do on Saturday nights? When we're "up for it", we go out for sushi and then come home to jazz on my iPhone while we play Words With Friends and Farmville 2 on our respective laptops. Kathleen, my partner, may also be knitting and I'll be wondering whatever will my writers group think of my screenplay treatment.

When I was young I was hot. Now I'm cooler than the jazz we listen to. But all of this is ok. For a while I wanted my youthful Saturday nights back. But I'm okay now with those days being pleasant memories. Nowadays I'm content, calm and peaceful. Just right. Oh, the jazz we listen to is from an app called Jazzbird. It's free and cool too. Check it out some Saturday night...

I Love May

I just love the month of May, don't you? It's just so beautiful. The weather is mostly perfect and everything is in bloom. Just perfect.

I even have fond memories of my Ex's birthday on the 27th. And my birthday is almost only a week away from hers. It's just a good month to be alive.

I especially like all the spring greenery and we can't forget the outdoor patio seating that opens up in restaurants. Food just tastes better outdoors. I know you think I'm being silly but food really does taste better outdoors. Why else would people do picnics?

And then everyone looks a lot more healthy in May than in February. The improvement is almost shocking. Sure we are all just starting to eat salad again and talk about losing weight. And we are also getting out of the chair or off of the couch. We might even start exercising again like we did when we were younger. I mean Kathleen almost had us buying a recumbent bike off the street from a yard sale today. I'm really not ready for more exercise equipment but this is definitely progress, don't cha think?

And for Kathleen and I the tennis season begins soon and that means we're booked for the summer. First we'll watch the French Open in late May. Next Wimbledon in late June. And finally the US Open around Labor Day.

May is absolutely the beginning of the glorious summer months. Lots of warmth and sunshine. What's not to love?

The Black and White Keys

I had some music education my first year in high school. I went over to my best friend's (and later my first crush) house and sat down at her family's baby grand piano. It was lovely. And my best friend at 14 taught me to read music and peck out a melody to sing.

I was never really any good. But just good enough to sing alto in the high school concert choir. I barely auditioned and got into the choir. So I sang with the altos and my best friend sang with the sopranos. More than notes separated us now. She had slept over and I made a "pass" that was rebuffed. So afterwards, I didn't go to her piano anymore. Instead, I ding-dong my father to get us our own.

I don't know how my mother and I did it but we convinced my father to buy a beautiful upright piano that to this day still has a wonderful sound and looks like an attractive piece of furniture. And so, both my mother and I took piano lessons from this suburban lady. She was nice and my guide into mysterious lands and adventures. I studied for almost 2 years. My interests changed to getting into college and without my best friend's encouraging hands guiding my hands over the keys, my interest just waned.

But I still loved to play this one piece, Moonlight Sonata. I even memorized the easy version and played it for my Grandma Fay (she was the jewish one). Now you must understand that Grandma Fay was very frank with her opinions. After I finished playing she said, "Very nice, but could you play something a little happier?" I was floored. I thought I was all grown-up and serious. Now Grandma Fey wants silly and happy! Adults! Who can understand them!"

It's been now over 30 years since I tried to play the piano. But I've been wanting one. Couldn't afford an upright so I got a keyboard. I hope again to play with the help and guidance of a piano teacher. This one is a gift to myself. Totally for me!!!

Early Spring

Yesterday was St. Paddy's day and in two days will be the Vernal Equinox. Is Spring really here? This morning when I was wiping the dusting of last night's snow off my windshield I wasn't quite so sure. I mean I live below the Mason-Dixon line and definitely not up "north". But March is a dicey month for weather in these parts. At least we've got longer days of light when it isn't raining and overcast.

But enough about the weather. I feel Spring. And the early blooming cherry tree across the road from my house is in a shock of pink. I open my front door and look up and there it is in all its majesty. And then there's all those little perky crocuses across my front lawn. Baby flowers but they are brave enough to weather the still near-freezing nights. And then there's all the budding trees casting dots of color against still bare tree limbs.

All of these are the first signs of early Spring outside. Inside our houses we start to clean (or in my case call-in the cleaning people). The bright white sunlight on clear days inspires us to even de-clutter the most messy rooms (for me that's my studio----I'm still waiting for a day over 60 degrees and sunny. Think I'll get that day soon?)

Soon all the flowers and trees will be in bloom. We'll have another Cherry Blossum Festival. And just maybe I'll get to see the Kite Festival on the Mall too.

But most of all Spring is a wonderful time for renewal (and I hear a great time to eat chocolate bunnies too!!!!) Maybe I'll take photos of this Spring. Just something to remind me when its grey and wet and raw outside.

Never Been Good at Spelling

I love music and I listen to it constantly but I've never been good at spelling. I'll even confess to getting bad marks to it in grade school. So what have I done about it? I've read dictionaries. I've even collected them. I'm very proud of my two volume Oxford English Dictionary that has such small print it is accompanied with a magnifying glass which now I use all the time.

And lo and behold there's now an online game for my problem. Scrabble or Facebook's Words With Friends is perfect for me. It's a word game, a spelling game and sorta a crossword game. And I love games. When I was younger I loved to win. Now I just love to play.

I've been playing Facebook's Words With Friends for a couple of weeks now. I've been playing mostly with my former colleagues and a dear cousin too. I never knew how brillant they all were. And my dear Kathleen has started playing too. They all beat me but I just love the game. And the more I play the better I get. I actually got a seven-letter word yesterday.

So of course I bought the Scrabble dictionary. I'll be reading it. Just to bone up on those hard letters to use and all the two-letter words.

In the meanwhile we all play. Kathleen and I played for almost the entire weekend. Hey, it's a great thing to do when it's cold outside. We listened to all nine of Beethoven's Symphonies while we played so we weren't lacking in culture either.

Is this a beginning of a craze or maybe this winter's fad? Either way, I'm having a blast!!!

Being One's Own Brand

When I was coming out in the 80's, we all wanted to look like lesbians because it was important for us to be able to identify each other. Well, it seems to me that our look practically became a brand with cars, shoes, hairstyles and clothiers all associated with lesbians (or at least they were to ourselves.) We happily IDed each other and built a system of recognition that helped give us visibility to the media and the mainstream. And finally, we are getting more and more of our civil rights.

So what's wrong?

I for one got tired of looking like every other lesbian. I wanted an individual identity and "look" instead of the group brand.

So I'm breaking away from the brand. First hair styles changed, next shoes and clothes and maybe I'll consider buying a car that's not stereotypically a "lesbian car" like a Subaru.

Now there are risks with breaking away from the brand. No one at first sight may recognize me as gay. I remedy that by telling them. It means a lot more coming out. But I get to look like I want.

So I guess I'm breaking away from the lesbian brand. Instead I'm creating my own brand for myself.

I'm calling this new brand "Diane."

What's The Weather Like

You might say I'm percolating. No I'm not making coffee. I'm making something creative. And as a writer it's not just putting language down on the page. Oh that's important, some would say critical. But the creative process also involves the often unseen "inner" work beforehand.

For me my mood and my writing is heavily influenced by the weather. Basically I've never left the sunny weather of Southern California. It suppose to be 75 degrees and sunny. That's my inner norm. Everything else is something "different." While living in Washington, DC we've had blizzards, hurricanes, tornados and the ever occurant thunderstorms. And then the ordinary days of rain, sleet, snow, hail and wind (with an occasionally sunny day). So you see I've had a lot of different moods from all that weather.

All this DC weather has made me a more interesting person. I believe that the 75F and sunny weather of Southern California would have have lacked inspiration. (The sheer predictability, you know?!?!?) I only really long for LA weather when its in the teens and snowing 2 feet from a blizzard.

So it's almost the end of winter and the time of rebirth is almost upon us. Spring offers all sorts of new energies and opportunities. My hibernation and "percolating" will be done for a few months.

I'm looking forward to seeing what comes up this spring. And of course what's the weather like.

Misfit or Popular Kid?

Have you ever been popular? Did you run with the popular kids in high school or in college? I hung out with the misfits in high school only to find myself as a popular lesbian in college.

My experience as a misfit taught me to live my life on my own terms. So that when I came out as gay I was emotionally prepared to be my own person. And to hell with everyone else and their petty small-mindedness anyway.

So that's how it went with me. When I came of age at 22 and as a popular lesbian, my devil-may-care attitude made me a little dangerous (and a little desirable too.) But mostly, being a popular and out lesbian meant I didn't have a lot of competition. It wasn't like lesbians were rushing sororities in those days. We only had gay and lesbian groups and newspapers. And I was the editor of one of those newspapers. My position gave me some visibility and a vehicle for my thoughts.

Those years of popularity made an impression on my young psyche. I "believed" myself likable, desireable and intelligent. I had no idea how vain I was. I just thought I was confident. Actually, it was like I went through an "ego-building boot camp" that would help me endure the hostilities that I would encounter outside the UCLA campus and the world beyond.

But the one thing I still have from those popular days is a personal sense of specialness. Everyone should be popular for a while just to feel that special. And if we're lucky that special feeling lasts a lifetime.

While We Wait

I'm losing track of which day it is. It happens in retirement or so I've heard from the old timers. I'm not worried about losing track too badly because I have Kathleen who is working Monday through Friday every week. Kinda keeps me on track, if you know what I mean. Any way this is coming off as very spacey which is not my intention. Just my unfortunate effect.

Winter...I never get over it or in any way master the season. The climate brings me to my knees and the psychology of living with people who are confined for months would inspire me to art if I wasn't so depressed and just downright emotionally cold. But that's the climate here in the Mid-Atlantic. It's given to extremes. No wonder the local people are stoic and act like soldiers.

I've never been a soldier. On my mother's side of our family, my grandfather died in WWII and has been the last in a long line of soldiers dating back from the American Revolution. So I guess I've got soldiering in my genes but not in my heart.

So when Spring arrives I write and when the light is good, I paint abstract art. I hope to express myself well, humourously, and to a few of your likings.

But in the meanwhile I wait for March. March is the beginning of my new creative year. And It can't get here soon enough!!!