Sometimes it's hard to go back home again. And then again it's hard to come home again too. My recent trip to LA left me confused about where home was.
Once we arrived in LA, the very sunlight struck me as familar. Oh, how I remember that bright white sunlight that shone almost every day. I felt a string being plucked like my soul was a cello resonating some deep note. But then everything also had a honeyed/tannish cast about it. The colors of LA, its roads and its landscrapes, shook me up. I had painted for years but never with a Southern Californian palette. I guess I hide away these colors for a private inspiration or maybe as a source of grief.
I left California over 25 years ago with a heavy heart. My girlfriend and I couldn't afford to live in LA and finish our degrees at UCLA. So we chose to go to the University of Oregon to finish our degrees. We both got our degrees from the University of Oregon, but we didn't get them together. We had split up.
But of course I met another wonderful woman that I would share Oregon with as well as a cross country road trip to a life in Virginia. We were together for over 8 years and then we split up. I was left alone in Virginia. I called it home for a while even though I never really ever felt "at home."
Finally I met the love of my life, Kathleen. We set up house in Maryland. I was at loose ends for a long time in Maryland. Everything felt "off" and "odd". I was still very consumed by my former life in LA. My life in LA seemed unfinished, and I always wondered what kind of person I would have become if I had stayed there.
While DC has many drawbacks, and I've never felt appreciated here professionally, I've become a better person for working in the psychological field. If I had stayed in LA, I would have gotten sucked up into the Entertainment Industry. And then gawd only knows what the condition of my soul would be.
Now I've lived as many years outside California as I did growing up in California. And while LA can still tug at my heart and soul, I like living in Silver Spring with Kathleen, Perrier and Evian. Because with them I have a home.
