Fresh Paint and Pads of Paper

I've done a lot of creative things since I've retired. Some involve making images out of paint or dye. And others have been about writing, as in this blog. I like moving between images and words; it keeps my brain balanced. So why now when I'm going gang-busters with my writing am I drawn to paint again?

Several on-line advertisements for paint sales at art stores have been catching my eye and stirring my imagination. It's been over four years since I painted in my studio (an upstairs bedroom in my home). Somehow the reasons why I stopped painting don't feel as compelling now. Maybe after this hiatus I could start again. But so much has happened since I last painted. I'm different now...So maybe the painting will be different and a little more fresh.

Years ago I painted everyday on paper, using bottles of acrylic paint. I did abstract expressionistic art. And I squirted bottles of paint however and whichever way I was so moved. I squirted fast and furious and mostly spontaneously. I made a lot of bad art but a few keepers too. I even donated a painting to a charity's gala, and it fetched a modest amount at the silent auction.

But somehow after showing and then selling one piece I just didn't know what my next mountain to climb was. Granted I could honestly tell people that I was an artist. But my internal drives were now flat. I had a bad case of "So now what?"

So maybe I'll suffer through the awkward stages of beginning all over again. Yet another thing to put on my Xmas list. New paint and huge pads of watercolor paper to keep me occuppied in the cold and cloudy months after Solstice. I could look forward to that.

My Amelia Earhart Luggage

Amelia Earhart...What do you think of her? I think she's one of the first women to do something truly adventuresome. Heck, she did a transatlantic flight in not much more than a bi-plane. And she was truly famous. She even wrote two books about her life and her aviation adventures. And then that last flight where she mysteriously disappears. She just vanished somewhere. Now that's glamorous!!!

Little did I know that my gift of Amelia Earhart luggage from my New York grandfather had such a legacy. The one piece of luggage he sent me was bright red (won't miss that at the baggage pick-up) and had Amelia Earhart's name emblazoned on it. My dear grandfather was encouraging me to fly from LA to NYC. I was 12 years old. In two years I made the flight, and wow was it an eye-opener for my first time away from home.

NYC was nothing like LA. It snowed! Okay, it was December, but it snowed overnight. And there was so many more people and so much traffic. And everything was intense. Even the quiet museums had intense exhibits. Everything was just "One Big Wow."

LA might be mecca if you like good weather. But what I quickly learned from my NYC adventure was that the East Coast could be a feast for your soul if you were an intense type.

That Amelia Earhart luggage inspired me to do my own transcontinential flight. Thanks grandpa! Little did he know that I would move to the East Coast years later. I guess the trip made an impression.

I've Gone Mobile

I went to Panera today. At 7:30 am with a crowd of coffee seekers and early morning people. I got there so early to beat the traffic that consumes Georgia Avenue even on Saturday mornings.

So I'm one of "those people" now. I bought a light-weight laptop for just these mobile occasions. It was easy to connect to the wifi, but the signal was weak. I couldn't bring up Facebook or Yahoo. What will I do? I surfed the real media, CNN, NYT and the BBC, and quickly got depressed.

There must be some happy sites out there. Something for a quick pick-me-up that doesn't involve religion or motivational speakers. Maybe I should have gotten caffeinated coffee, but that would have put me at 3 cups before 8 am, and I don't zoom that well any more.

I really missed my Facebook. I missed all my liked pages. I missed all the pages about cats, hippies, Buddhism and a little politics thrown in for good measure. Now you must understand I woke up at 5:30, made coffee, and looked at my Facebook. I had only been without my Facebook for a few hours. Just goes to show you that I've become a Facebook junkie.

We all need something to fill our free time with. For many it's TV, music or any chosen hobby. I fill my time with the Internet. I've been warned against it. But for someone interested in news, research and writing, it's a dream come true. I'm intellectually stimulated and easily amused in one place. Needless to say I spend hours on the Internet. I'm completely transfixed.

For better or worse, I now take a laptop with Internet capabilities to public places. If I could only have a wifi implant, I'd truely be mobile. But I guess that's what a smart phone or tablet does. So maybe my Xmas list will have another device on it. And then I'll never be without my dear Internet.

Brew Me a Cup

You know, there's something about turning 50. Sure menopause let's you know that your body has changed from that hot young thing you were in your twenties to something now, well, more mature. And those hot flashes and icky cold sweats are still a constant annoyance. But it's something even deeper than your physical body.

Your soul changes. I've felt this lately. Younger people seem consumed with making money and finding a mate. Whereas I've never made much money and have had several mates, with my current being the best ever. Now I want to reflect and understand this thing called life. It's like my relationship with tennis: I played for decades and now I've hung up my racquet. I wish to become a connoisseur of the game from the viewpoint of the spectator.

And so, I'm making plans to return, in a fashion, to my coffeehouse days. I'll be going to my local Panera and plugging in. Maybe I'll even become one of those people with a laptop who are occuppying a chair and table for hours while nursing a single cup of coffee.

Who knows what will brew in my brain in such a place. But guess what, you'll probably be one of the first to know about it.

Sleep Well, Chickadees!

Did you ever notice that a lot of us older people talk a lot about sleep (getting it or not?) We ask each other in the morning "How did you sleep?" like we used to ask each other about sex.

There are few things as torturous as not being able to sleep. Insommia is frustrating and very isolating. And the day after a night without sleep is like being a zombie with no off switch. And then there's the problem when you want to sleep all day and can't sleep all night. Or you become like your cat who naps all day and all night. Needless to say, if allowed to take control of your life, insommia leaves you without a life. Or just a life pursuing sleep while pepetually in a state of wakefulness. UGH!!!

But for most of us, insommia is just an occasional thing (THANK GAWD). So when getting your 6-8 hours of sleep is sometimes a struggle, remember that a good night's sleep can feel like a gift from the gods and goddesses. Because you know, once you get that shut-eye, you might even begin to believe in...something heavenly!

What A Day

Oh well, I'm waiting by the phone. It's just that the two most important people in my life have had procedures done today. Oh I'm sure everyone will be fine. But it's just the getting to fine that I'm having trouble with. You know, the waiting part is what does me in.

So I've broken down and asked Kathleen to make chocolate brownies. We keep a couple of quick-mix boxes in the pantry especially for occasions like this. We make our brownies "straight-up"; there's no "herbs" in our chocolate brownies I tell you.

So where would womankind be without chocolate and specifically brownies? More of us would have "lost it" and found ourselves in the "looney bin" for sure. And fewer babies would have gotten born without that romantic gift of a box of chocolates. Well, I guess, humanity itself might have been imperiled without chocolate.

But as civilization has progressed so has our ingestion of chocolate. Hopefully, Kathleen and I will go to a wine bar and do chocolate and wine pairings some time soon. In the meanwhile, it's gonna be brownies.

Vibes Change

You know, your whole vibe changes after fifty. Now I'm into a calm, peaceful and just generally relaxed kind of energy. I often feel like a cool, cloudless and blue sky on a pleasant early October day. Just a little crisp but not in the least bit cold.

Compare that to pre-fifty. I was passionate in and out of bed. I was intense like a crimson bed of coals. And I was ambitious. I would let little or nothing obstruct my will. But I was also anxious and filled with angst. I was all charged up and ready to go, but I still worried about making the right choices.

Well, I charged ahead and not too carefully, I might add. So as you can no doubt imagine, I got banged up a lot. It wasn't because I was stupid. I was just stubborn and couldn't abide prejudice, bigotry or social injustice.

But over time I sought refuge from the front lines of societal conflicts and worked behind the barricades. I moved myself closer to the liberal base and stronghold. Working in academia and psychology was great. Met wonderful people too (like Kathleen). They were kind to me. They seemed to have compassion for my pain and suffering but let me work out my issues in my own way and in my own time. I worked in psychology for twenty years doing research and administration. It wasn't my first choice. Quite frankly, it wasn't even on the list. But now in hindsight, I see that it saved me from a life of pain and frustration, which I surely would have had if I had pursued a career in Hollywood. I'm glad I didn't go that way. My fork in the road led me to psychology and its rewards.

So now I'm making another transition to the life of a retiree. What do you do, people still ask. I write. Everyday. And trust me...staying open to inspiration and imagination whether it be big or something tiny, is a challenge. So now my vibe is a little more bluish and a little less reddish than a few years ago.

So, do tell. How has your vibe changed over time? I'm interested in your story too. Feel free to leave a comment.

How-To-Give-a-Gift-for-the-Winter-Holidays Guide

There's more than one way to give a gift. Yes, really...

Kathleen and I guessed what the other one wanted for our first few years. There was definitely a big surprise factor. But the flops were big too. And we often got what we thought the other one NEEDED to get. That wasn't much fun. So the surprise method with no guidance proved too risky. Next few years we took to making lists, detailed lists with instructions on where to buy and how much to spend. While this guidance method usually got you what you wanted, it often felt like someone else was just doing your shopping for you and then did a nice gift-wrapping job. But then it almost eliminates risk, surprise and over spending.

And then there's the let's-go-shopping-and-get-you-something-you-want method. When we went to malls and department stores, this method was my favorite. Because I really got what I wanted. I picked it out. The only uncomfortable aspect is when your partner ponies up and pays for your gift. I often found myself distracted by some other items for sale until the transaction was completed.

So this year I'm doing a wish list with Internet sites that have photos of the item I want; sort of a modified guidance method. First item on my list is a  laughing Buddha. You've seen him. He's often in the foyers of Chinese restaurants. I just need a smaller rendition and I'll be happy. Just need a big belly to rub.

I guess we all have some time to work up the rest of our lists (with Internet addresses and photos). But start thinking about what you want now, so your partner and/or friends and family have time to make your wish list fly...

A Typical Unproductive Day

Don't know what to make of today. I slept most of it away except for a few minor interruptions of neighbors, phone calls and lunch deliveries. This retired life is definitely set your-own-course. Aside from pouring coffee into Kathleen and driving her to and from the metro, my day is pretty much my own. Oh, I call my mother every day and then I call Kathleen around lunchtime (she works so hard that I have to remind her to eat lunch; something you'd never have to remind me about).

I like staying home. I don't watch daytime TV except for an occasional Ellen episode. But I do listen to Top 40 radio. I really kinda tune out the music. I don't know the songs' titles or the artists. It's really nonsense music to me (except for Adele) and that's why I guess I like it so much.

And then I'm on the Internet...for hours. I do email and I write. I shop (too much!). I check the weather. And I surf a lot. I'm especially happy when I find a new kitten video to watch. Cause I've got to get a daily dosage of "cuteness" in; otherwise everything gets dark and cynical. And we can't have that.

But I'm happy with this arrangement because I have time to research, muse, and write every day. I may be "unproductive", but I write every day. Other than answer email, what do you do every day?

What Makes A Holiday A Holiday

So whatcha got planned for our day off? That's right, we laborers get to celebrate all our work on Labor Day, September 3rd. I've done all kinds of celebrating on Labor Day. Some lunches, some dinners and some weekends camping in the mountains.

For most of us a Labor Day celebration involves some form of leisure. For me that usually involves someone else doing the cooking. So I like celebrating with good food and drink at a fine restuarant. Ahhh, the sweet good life.

But unfortunately for me, my Ex (when we were together) didn't really like the restaurant plan. She liked fishing in a Virginia reservior for our holiday. I was so crazy about her that not only did I give up my lunch, I rowed the boat across the reservoir and then all the way back to the dock. It was a metal row boat and slightly unsteady, but I made it to the dock and earned my "butch" points for the rest of the year. To be young and a lesbian in love...what we will do!!!

Nowadays I've settled with the love of my life, Kathleen, and we have our US Open (tennis) tournament holiday that always happens over Labor Day. So we always have a plan. And in this relationship we just order for delivery. I've matured, dontchathink?!?

Normal May Be Gone. But Acceptable Is In.

Have you ever felt that you were at the TOP of your world and in a MOMENT that you'll remember for the rest of your life? These TIMES are usually marked by a feeling of slow-down or slow-motion. I got that feeling when I went with my family to the rotating cocktail lounge on the top floor of the World Trade Center (yes, it was before 9/11/2001.) The wait staff moved very elegantly and with great poise. I was impressed. Capitalism sure had its high points.

A lot has transpired since then. On 9/11, I was working on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. It took me 3 hours to get home. And boy was I grateful to be home when I got there! We were all terribly traumatized. The day after I remember people crossing the deserted DC streets in a daze and looking somewhat stricken and glazed about the eyes. "Normal" was gone.

There's been a lot of talk lately about "NORMAL." We talk about how it's gone now, doesn't exist any longer or how we've moved into the "NEW NORMAL." Quite frankly, I'm glad we're moving beyond the social confines of "normal." Normal was always too narrow for me. I welcome the wider expanse of "acceptable." Doesn't that sound freer than normal to you?